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Difficulty Climaxing

Yes, loss of libido is definitely a problem during the menopause. 

But even when you get through that, there’s potentially another issue. You could be all geared up, ready to go and excited, but once you hit the bed, there’s a problem: difficulty climaxing. Why does it happen and what can be done about it?

Even without the menopause, the female orgasm is a complicated matter. Some studies report that 75% of women don’t reach orgasm from intercourse alone (and require toys, hands, or tongue stimulation in addition), and 10-15% of women don’t climax at all. And the menopause definitely doesn’t help. A decline in hormone levels means a decrease in blood flow to the clitoris and vagina which reduces their sensitivity. On top of that, of course, is vaginal dryness (and other body aches) that can be distracting. But let’s be clear: orgasm can be achieved, even if it’s just a bit harder. So, what can you do?

Some studies report that 75% of women don’t reach orgasm from intercourse alone (and require toys, hands, or tongue stimulation in addition), and 10-15% of women don’t climax at all. And the menopause definitely doesn’t help. A decline in hormone levels means a decrease in blood flow to the clitoris and vagina which reduces their sensitivity. On top of that, of course, is vaginal dryness (and other body aches) that can be distracting. But let’s be clear: orgasm can be achieved, even if it’s just a bit harder. So, what can you do?

Take Care of the Rest

Climaxing will be a lot easier if you are in the mood for it and well-lubricated. We’ve written about libido before and the more you are psychologically excited for sex, the easier climaxing will be, so conquer your libido as the first step. Likewise, the less your body hurts, the more you can enjoy the ride (figuratively, and for some, literally). Don’t be afraid to use lubricants or moisturisers – it’s completely normal. Also consider strengthening your pelvic floor muscles as a strong pelvic floor can lead to improved vaginal tightness and tone and improved sexual sensations. Meg personally recommends using the KegelSmart by Intimina.

Trial and Error

With bodily changes come changes in what will work for you. It’s important to explore your menopausal body. Remember: climaxing is achievable, so it’s largely a matter of understanding how you can achieve it now. If you can have an open discussion with your partner about trying something new, then definitely have that talk. Explore different positions, explore different settings and different ways that can help you get there.

Remember, your partner might also be having difficulty climaxing as well, so it’s a conversation that is worth having if you’re comfortable with it. That said, you might want to figure out a few things on your own. You can explore your body without the help of someone else. There are plenty of toys on the market that are versatile and can definitely help. If you want to discover what works for you on your own, you have that option. A simple bullet might become your new best friend. 

Take it Slow

Again, things have changed. Climaxing isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon (even for your partner). It’ll likely take you longer to get wet and your orgasm may not be as explosive. Foreplay is essential. Or at least, good foreplay is essential. Take things slower, and don’t worry about how long things take. Just keep your body and mind focused in the moment and be as communicative as possible.

Overall, it’s a matter of accepting that although some may have changed that doesn’t spell the end of your sex life. Rediscover your body, rediscover your partner, rediscover what works and what doesn’t. Tackle all your symptoms. Talk to your partner. If problems keep getting worse, you can consider speaking to a sex therapist, who might help you understand if there’s another underlying cause. There are so many ways to get your sex life and orgasms back on track – it’s 100% possible!