Sex and relationships
Sex, relationships… and menopause. To be honest, I am not sure whether I should be talking about that (more specifically, sex) as I didn’t have sex for so long! Let’s start saying that before entering menopause, I was worried most of the times about what people thought of me. This is one of the first “burdens” I let go after entering menopause. I feel more free now as I don’t care of what people think. I care more about myself, and that’s all that matters..
Another change I felt in myself is that I don’t feel satisfied just having sex for the sake of it. I know that now I need to feel a connection, a mental feeling, and an intimate feeling. Being intimate became much more important. Have I gotten fussier with age? Yes. In a certain way, yes but in a positive way. I just want to give a quick reminder to all of you out there- that just because you’re perimenopausal or menopausal, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use contraception. Watch this video for more information!
I am also sober, which makes me feel very present, I am always in the moment. Before this new consciousness, with some glasses of wine, I would have been less picky. But right now, I can say that I am 54 I am single and I am really happy of where I am. Something I really learnt through the years, is that we need to love ourselves before.
I am surrounded by people who think I need to be with someone. But for me, it has to be the right person. Otherwise it is not worth it. I made this mistake before, thinking he was the right person and instead he was not. This happens to so many people. Therefore, I am more cautious now. Another big problem women have, is that since we were little, we have been told about the Prince Charming that will come and save you. For this reason, our expectations can be unrealistic. No one can “help” yourself better than you. Remember that a flower in a vase will die in 10 days, but a plant will grow flowers forever. Plant something, build something. You need to water and nurture the plant. Don’t look for a quick fix or a short cut. A relationship is similar to a plant. It needs to be fed and nurtured and loved.
My kind of relationships...
Now in this new version of me, I have a very clear idea of what I want. I feel so empowered because of it. For me it’s important to be in a place in where I don’t “need” anything from relationships in terms of something I cannot have myself. I don’t need money, house, or a father figure. I want a relationship which is an evolving project and a person to share the project with. Too often women are trapped in a relation which is not what they want. I could not be able to live in a lie, this is the most important thing I learnt in the last 5 years. I learned to know myself very well. And then finally now, I am looking forward to dating, to meet people, and find someone.
Society thinks people should have a partner by this age. As I said I need someone in my same vibration. I’ve met people without any connection, but on paper they look amazing. For my personal point of view, the real connection it is what it’s really important for now. Everything starts from there.
Having said all of this, of course this is all my personal ideas and feelings. It is okay if you feel like having sex just to have sex. Just make sure that you are safe, and satisfied. Make sure to use proper lubrication and practise proper vaginal care. You can find everything you need right here.