There are a lot of articles out there about self-love, but we never seem to talk about the ultimate self-love technique: masturbation.
In my younger years, I found climaxing really easy, especially when I masturbated. I never had any problem with achieving orgasm, and my sex drive was just through the roof. All that stopped when the menopause started. I was with my partner at the time and I didn’t even want to share a bed with him, let alone have sex. Low sex drive, vaginal dryness and night sweats, all brought on by decreasing hormone levels all combined to take the pleasure out of sex. Now that I’m a few years into the menopause I’ve learned a few things, and one of the main things I’ve come to realise is that you must take care of your vagina. I’d go so far as to say take care of your vagina like you would take care of your face.
The Right Products to Masturbate
Think about the amount of care you take with your face. The amount of time you spend primping and caring for it in the morning and in the evening. Think about the money you spend on products. Why don’t we treat our vaginas with the same care? I think it’s a case of out of sight, out of mind. It is one of the most important membranes in our bodies, yet we barely ever give it the attention and love it deserves. We need to wash it with the correct products, moisturise it with vaginal moisturiser frequently, and use lube (yes even to masturbate). And most importantly we need to masturbate.
When I started the menopause, I completely lost my libido. As oestrogen levels decrease, many women find that their sex drive goes away with it. That was definitely the case for me.
But what I didn’t consider was how it would affect me mentally. I once had a partner back when I was younger and we had great sex (and when I say great, I mean it was filthy.) Once I started the menopause, I decided I would reconnect with him again. We were both just as attracted to each other second time around. That chemistry was still there, but still, something was different. I couldn’t climax.
I know this is also the case for a lot of you ladies out there. There are many women going through the menopause who still want to have sex. But, there’s just something that’s off now. For a lot of women, it can take so long for them to climax they just think “Why do I even bother?”
Masturbation and menopause
At the beginning of the menopause, because I suddenly had so much trouble climaxing, I decided research into this topic.
This is why I want to encourage masturbation. Masturbating is great, as it means you can climax at your own pace and on your own terms. I would say that it’s really good to masturbate around three or four times a week. It’s also a great way to lubricate your vagina. As I know some of you ladies suffer from vaginal dryness, this would really help. You might even find that the more frequently you do it, the easier you’ll be able to reach climax.
What I would suggest is to make it special for you. Light some candles and let yourself relax into it. You could even try watching something erotic to help you get into the mood. Remember to use lubrication if you find yourself feeling a little dry or tight. If you want more privacy you could try it in the shower or draw yourself a bath. The extra moisture and heat from the water might also help you. If you’re feeling a little more confident you could even talk to your partner about it and get them more involved. If you want to lie next to them and mutually masturbate, you might find that draws you closer to each other and maintains intimacy in your relationship.
The Right Tools to Masturbate
I also looked into the range of toys available to help with self pleasure. I would advise getting a bullet vibrator. They are relatively cheap and discreet and can be bought in most sex shops, online or even at some chemists. Bullets are great especially if you suffer from vaginal dryness or tightness as it allows you to focus on clitoral stimulation instead of vaginal penetration. If you still want some sort of penetration, I would suggest looking into a vibrator that still offers some kind of clitoral stimulation for more intense orgasms. A Rabbit vibrator is a slightly more pricey option, but it offers a good balance between penetration and clitoral stimulation.
Overall, masturbation is a way of getting to know yourself and your changing body. Don’t see this as another chore, or item on a to-do list. Self-pleasure is the ultimate self care, so see it as an opportunity to get more comfortable with your body and take back control over your sexuality.
Do it when you feel like doing it and have fun with it!