How to love your age? Embrace your inner – and outer – beauty, says Grace Fodor, 54, pro-age warrior, beauty expert and founder of Studio10
It may be surprising to hear from a woman in her 50s, but I love my age. To quote the fabulous Joan Collins: “Age is just a number.” I firmly believe this. Our age should never define us, or limit who we are and what we can do. Of course I have those moments of wishing I were younger, of not being labelled by society as “middle-aged”, and days when it’s all too easy to feel invisible and of no real value – but we can’t turn back the clock. Trying will only leave us disillusioned and unhappy, fighting a futile battle we can never win.
My beautiful mum always said: “Focus on what you have and not what you don’t have.” Never has this been more true than with growing older. So, when I have those down days, I remind myself of the things I’m most grateful for – an approach that is also deeply rooted in science, where 40 separate studies demonstrate that acts of gratitude improve our mood, pave the way for healthy relationships, and even enhance our longevity.
Ageing brings positives – physical, emotional and psychological. It’s a fact that we become smarter as we age. Our vocabulary, spatial orientation and problem-solving abilities are far better in our 40s and 50s than in our 20s. Ultimately, yes, the numbers go up, but the core of who we are – our values, needs, ambitions and goals – continues much the same as we go through the years. It’s simply the next step and, if anything, I’m stronger now than I have ever been. My age most definitely doesn’t define me. It’s who I am that does.
In my 50s, I now have the freedom and the courage to be myself. I don’t waste time and energy trying to be someone I’m not. I’ve learnt to acknowledge my weaknesses and understand my strengths. I worry less about what people think of me; I have confidence in my decisions and a sense of my true value and worth. I manage the high expectations I place on my achievements with a determined sense of self-compassion. Finally, I am no longer my own worst critic.
Time becomes more precious as we age, so I concentrate on letting go of the trivial and focusing on exactly who and what matters to me – not always easy, I know, with the fast-paced and frantic lives we lead. Two years ago I lost my mum. I’d give anything to have had more time with her, so it really hits home for me just how precious time is and how easy it can be to take this for granted.
I am so much more positive now, with fewer negative emotions to hold me back, especially when I consider the drama-filled rollercoaster years of my 20s. We become savvier at navigating the daily stresses and challenges we still have to face. I feel emotionally stronger. I’m OK with being vulnerable, with showing my emotions. I know that not being OK and asking for help is never a sign of weakness. As Brené Brown says in her TED Talk The Power of Vulnerability: “What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” It’s actually quite liberating.
It takes vulnerability to face an ageist world and declare: “I love the woman I am at any age.” My mission is to empower women to embrace their strengths and their inner and outer beauty, rather than focusing on the misguided and negative stereotypes that surround age. We need to remember it’s a privilege. I am so proud to have reached this stage in my life where I have the opportunity to reflect on my successes and failures; to recognise that this is what has shaped me and that this is what we need to celebrate. We have the choice to stay positive, to appreciate every day, and always to be grateful for who we are and what we can achieve.
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